If my life was a movie, or a novel, or any form of pre-scripted happening, this is what would have happened:
-I would have gotten into any show at Rodger's I auditioned for (not saying all of them at all, but at least one).
-I would have never had to buy a shirt larger than a medium.
-I wouldn't have been late for school approximately 24 times this term.
-I would have gotten rid of front bangs five years sooner than I actually did.
-I'd fall "in love" with someone who was actually interested back, instead of someone who was 1) oblivious, 2) a flirtatious player with no heart, 3) just another potential "guy friend".
-I'd have the talent to compose music to go with my lyrics.
-That "D" would have never appeared on 9th grade's report card. Nor the "C" or "C+" from third term...
-My car battery wouldn't have died today.
-I would have never scraped my leg up falling off my scooter.
-I'd probably have a boyfriend by now.
-I wouldn't be utterly disturbed by the simple subject of human anatomy.
-I'd be able to write more than three chapters on any of my various book ideas...
And I think that's why I want to write. Because I can make these things and more happen, or not happen. If I write, I hold the pen, the plot, and the outcome of the story. I can bend everything every which way and make life a thousand times simpler.
I really could.
Though, looking back over my list (which would go on and on and on...) I see that my definition of having a life like a movie is having a life that's perfect. Which, of course, isn't so. Anyone who's seen What's Eating Gilbert Grape or Titanic would know that.
Then again, Titanic is based on a true story. So, in a sense, those lives were in fact a movie...
I guess I'm just expecting the celestial playwrights of my life to look down upon me and say, "Alright, Erica. I think it's about time you get something you've been waiting for. Here. Have a boyfriend."
They can give me something else too, but at present moment I'm leaning toward boyfriend. But, as Liz Phair sang to me today over the fuzzy radio at work:
"Isn't this the best part of waking up-Finding someone else you can't get enough of? Someone who wants to be with you too."
-Why Can't I, Liz Phair
I suppose my celestial playwrights just haven't allowed me to cross paths with that person that "wants to be with [me] too." I've found people I want to be with, but I guess love has to be a mutual agreement.
Let the sun set. And let's start another day alone.