I've learned over the past few weeks that "love" isn't about finding that person and BAM, being together.
The exciting thing with "love", is seeing if it's there or not. Seeing if it's possible you and this person could ever be together.
And just because it isn't a love-at-first-sight, instant Chemistry thing doesn't mean you won't end up together.
I find myself more excited for another day of loneliness in this case, knowing that this day of loneliness will bring me a step closer to knowing if perhaps he is that one, and that he feels it too.
Flirting to me has become fun, where before it was just a hinderence. I always assumed "love" would come in that epic, instant BAM way, and was bitterly dissapointed everytime it didn't. And why did those girls all end up with my guys and not me? Am I not pretty, spunky, lovable... But that's not it at all. I expected to instantly have what soul mates have by their two-year wedding aniversary. I expected to have it all, right then, to spill out every serious thought about me when these boys just wanted the kinship of friends first, not instand soul-mates.
But I've played a couple rounds in this game, and now I see that "love" is not won by spilling and giving your soul to someone who doesn't even know you (even after you spill and give your soul). It's about weaving your way up that gravel path, walking innocently by that person's side, taking hints and assumptions in stride, hoping one day you'll speak to him and BAM. The things you've built through this flirt-ship and friendship have meshed and it ends up you might actually work as a couple.
So then you move on to courtship.
For too long I've been wanting to skp straight to courtship, and I cannot (now) see why on earth that "shortcut" was appealing.
The best part of "love" isn't just the outcome. It's the game.
So I'll roll the dice tomorrow, and I'll bat my eyes tomorrow. And I'll hold idle conversation on the weather and his shoes. And one day, one day shortly, perhaps we'll come to find that this little game I love to play is aching to be mine.
"A little bit of laughs,/ a little bit of pain.../
It's all in the game of love."
-The Game of Love, Santana feat. Michelle Branch