Thursday, January 28, 2010

Not Love. Blind Obsession.

I'm over it. I don't care. Though I'll admit it burned a little, the two of them. I mean... It's like what a friend of mine posted in her Facebook status: Love does not force relationship.

But as I told myself driving home today, you can't have one way love. There is no one way love. I think what happens is we see, in our mind's eye, that person. And that person... That person is amazing. Incredible. Beautiful, funny, kind, warm, exciting, talented... And we get ourselves to believe that they are it. They are the one. We play in our minds this game of love. Dream he'll one day look at you and realize what's been there all along. And then you'd embrace and be forever. Because you're meant to be. You see it in you head. In you heart. If your heart really feels this much, it has to be the real thing then, doesn't it? But in all reality, you're just with them in the "friend zone"; it'll never be anything more.

But we tear ourselves up in agony as that person looks for love of their own, torn that they aren't turning to us. To me. To you. Because we're so stuck them. We're so in love with them. We'd be so perfect for them; why oh why won't they just figure that out?!?

That's one way love. Why? You let yourself believe the two of you had something, so you develped your feelings accordingly as if you both were truly together. And though every day you knew you weren't, you found reason to believe you could.

Open your eyes, you blind, sorry excuse of a girl.

If this was real, if this was fate, if he really, really felt that way, wouldn't you be able to tell the world (and him) that you were together? That you were in love?

And you can't. Because you aren't.

You played pretend and it got too far out of hand. And now you stand here, typing into Facebook: Love does not force relationship. I keep telling myself "love does not force relationship"...

It's not love, girl. It's blind obsession. And the sooner you wake up from this pathetic dream, the sooner you'll quit hating seeing him with those other girls. The sooner you'll stop crying nothing tears over him. The sooner...

I was there, girl. I was there. For the same boy, nonetheless. What does that tell you, if he's done this to not one girl, but two? Does that tell you he's worth it?

Possibly. If you were like her, the one who is growing her love at the same pace he's growing his.

None of this one-sided buisness.

Sigh. And now I let my heart run this same course with another boy, but am I the object of his own case of one-sided love?

Sadly, no.

"Oh we are like dominos in here, fallin' in one long row now./
I say;/ We're dominos and we're falling head over our/ our toes./
And/ She's fallin' for him and he's falling for me./ And I am fallin' for somebody else;/
Who's fallin' for you./ Oh we're fallin' like dominos./ Oh we're fallin' like dominos./
Oh we're falling way too fast...."
-Dominos, Dawn Mitschele

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