Thursday, May 31, 2012

I Won't Give Up

It took me until now to realize I'll be okay.

On April 1st Jason Mraz posted a video on VH1 saying he was quitting the music business. It was a prank, for April Fool's Day, but as I listened to him in his seriousness state the reasons why he couldn't continue, I had the distinct impression--nay, utmost certain knowledge--that should he ever quit, those would be the very real reasons.

As I lay on my bed having just listened to Love Is A Four Letter Word for the first time I peeled open the album casing to read his acknowledgments. I was just smiling that he had thanked "EVERYONE at Atlantic Records...all the way up to Skrillex" when I met the line "Thank you for believing I had another one in me."

I paused, dismayed that the man who, to the furthest extent of my knowledge (which, not to brag, is quite and expansive extent) he was still and always had been creating music. This seemed the next natural movement in his vaulting career. I am almost embarrassed I didn't guess sooner that the April Fool's joke had not until recently been fully a joke.

He stopped blogging, which really only meant his blog was down and out. He continues to post on his website. But he gave a definitive farewell to blogging, so much so that I was surprised--thoroughly overjoyed, yet surprised--that he was posting on his website. He did a farewell tour with Toca; granted, it wasn't named a farewell tour, I believe everyone else, like myself, believed it was just a whimsical reminiscence of the old days, not a last hoorah. He filmed no youtube videos of the album making process. There was no play-by-play. They are giving 20 VIP meet-and-greet tickets to every US show on this tour.

What better way to say goodbye.

Watching the above video, which I really hope embedded correctly, I realized how close I had been to losing it all. If you've read any of my recent posts, you know how central this man is to my being. I almost didn't plan anything special for his 35 birthday because I figured I'd just do it at the next milestone. As he spoke I realized this may well be the last milestone he publicly displays.

I don't know. I thought the same thing when he got engaged to TP, but that is over and he's still here. But as much as I love him and appreciate him and respect him, I know when/if ever he finally abdicates his position in the music universe, I will be okay. It will hurt, but I'll be okay.

I don't really know why I felt I had to write this; but I did. I know I'm really the only one who benefits from my blogging, despite my meager attempts to get strange eyes to spy it, and perhaps that's why it had to be written, because my private journal has been gathering dust since this time last year. But I had to say that as lenient as I am on Mraz's progress and existence, I watched this video and could already feel myself letting him go.

I wont yet, naturally, but when the time comes it wont be hard. I'll be okay. I won't give up.

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